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May 4, 2005
Saying 'No' to Your Child
Lilian G. Katz
University of Illinois
University of Illinois
Online Resources
- Parents: Say No and Mean It
Many parents in a recent survey indicated that they had problems disciplining their children. How can parents enforce family rules? Here are some hints from the senior editor of Parents magazine.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/02/02/earlyshow/living/parenting/main597329.shtml - Practice at Taking "No" for an Answer
Practice can help your child learn to accept a "no" answer and to distinguish between parental requests and directions.
http://www.parentingpress.com/t_030913.html - 18 Ways to Say "No" Positively
Too many "no's" can discourage a child, but parents can say "no" to a child in a way that teaches positive messages. When children learn to accept "no" from someone else, they can learn to delay gratification and say "no" to themselves.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061100.asp - Rules and Limits: Laying Down the Law with your Children
You can set rules and limits in ways that help your child to behave.
http://www.education.pitt.edu/ocd/publications/parentingguides/RulesAndLimits.pdf - Setting Limits with Young Children
We can set limits on our children's behavior in order to help them relieve the stress they are under and regain their innate good judgment and joy in cooperation.
http://www.parentleaders.org/articles/setting-limits-with-young-children.htmlEditor's note: This url has changed: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/articles/setting-limits-with-young-children.html - How Can I Set Limits?
Parents have the responsibility to keep children safe and to teach them to get along with others. Saying "no" is a part of teaching children to control behavior.
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/discipline.3.19.html#How - Setting Limits and Standing Firm
Limiting behavior that harms others or is deliberate disobedience is important at any age.
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5317.html - Say What You Mean! Talking Straight to Children
We don't have to be critical, sarcastic, or angry when we insist on the behavior we want. But we do have to be firm and clear.
http://www.illinoisearlylearning.org/tipsheets/talking.htm - Using Words to Discipline Children
It takes time, readiness, and practice for children to learn to follow rules, just as it does for them to learn physical skills, such as walking, or social skills, such as sharing. Here are some words to use when you want to change your child's behavior.
http://www.illinoisearlylearning.org/tipsheets/wordsdiscipline.htm - "No" Is Not a Four-Letter Word: Effective Discipline for Young Children
Children feel safe when they know the rules and know their parents are in control.
http://www.winnetkaalliance.org/PAST_ARTICLES/nonotfourletterword.asp - Positive Discipline. ERIC Digest
How do young children learn self-control, self-help, ways to get along with others, and family and school procedures? Such learning occurs when parents and teachers of infants, toddlers, or preschoolers are continuously involved in setting limits, encouraging desired behaviors, and making decisions about managing children.
http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/1990/positi90.html
ERIC Database: Selected Records
To search the ERIC database for resources on this topic, use this search strategy: parents or parent child relationship or parenting skills. Combine with young children or preschool children or toddlers or early experience. Combine with obedience or compliance (psychology).
How to Obtain ERIC Documents and Journal Articles:
References identified with an ED (ERIC document)or EJ (ERIC journal) are cited in the ERIC database. ERIC Documents (citations identified by an ED number) may be available in full text from ERIC at no cost at the ERIC Web site: http://www.eric.ed.gov. Journal articles are available from the original journal, interlibrary loan services, or article reproduction clearinghouses.
If you would like to conduct your own free ERIC database searches via the Internet, go directly to http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/Home.portal?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=advanced
- ERIC Journal No.: EJ654395
Committed Compliance, Moral Self, and Internalization: A Mediational Model
Author(s): Kochanska, Grazyna
Source: Developmental Psychology, v38 n3 p339-51 May 2002
Publication Date: 2002
Abstract: This study used observations and interview of mothers and children to test a mediational model in which committed compliance and opposition influence the child's emerging view of self on moral dimensions and this "moral self" regulates moral conduct. The study found that the model, involving committed compliance and opposition in the "don't" demand context, was supported for only boys. - ERIC Journal No.: EJ641696
The Development of Self-Regulation in the First Four Years of Life
Author(s): Kochanska, Grazyna; Coy, Katherine C.; Murray, Kathleen T.
Source: Child Development, v72 n4 p1091-1111 Jul-Aug 2001
Publication Date: 2001
Abstract: This study examined longitudinally committed and situational compliance in "Do" and "Don't" contexts and internalization of standards among 108 young children through age 4. The study found that the "Do" context was more challenging than the "Don't" context. Both forms of compliance were longitudinally stable, but only within a given context. Committed compliance was linked to children's internalization of maternal rules. - ERIC Journal No.: EJ678197
Toddlers' Self-Regulated Compliance to Mothers, Caregivers, and Fathers: Implications for Theories of Socialization
Author(s): Feldman, Ruth; Klein, Pnina S.
Source: Developmental Psychology, v39 n4 p680-92 Jul 2003
Publication Date: 2003
Abstract: This study examined toddlers' self-regulated compliance to mothers, fathers, and caregivers and found that child emotion regulation and adult warm control in discipline situation were related to self-regulated compliance to mother, caregiver, and father. Compliance to parents correlated with parental sensitivity and philosophies. Compliance to caregivers correlated with child cognition and social involvement when child care quality was controlled for. Maternal sensitivity and warm control discipline predicted compliance to caregiver, but not vice versa. - ERIC Journal No.: EJ656251
Predictors of Compliance in Toddlers: Child Temperament, Maternal Personality, and Emotional Availability
Author(s): Lehman, Elyse Brauch; Steier, Alison J.; Guidash, Kimberly M.; Wanna, Sawsson Y.
Source: Early Child Development and Care, v172 n3 p301-10 Jun 2002
Publication Date: 2002
Abstract: This study examined predictors of compliance in 51 mother-toddler (15 to 31 months) dyads and found that emotional availability (especially sensitivity and structuring) assessed during a laboratory free play period was the strongest predictor of compliance. High-compliance toddlers were perceived by their mothers to be less socially fearful and less prone to anger than were less compliant toddlers - ERIC Journal No.: EJ615365
Mothers' Conceptions of Everyday Rules for Young Toddlers: A Longitudinal Investigation
Author(s): Smetana, Judith G.; Kochanska, Grazyna; Chuang, Susan
Source: Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, v46 n3 p391-416 Jul 2000
Publication Date: 2000
Abstract: This study examined effects of child temperament and mothers' rule justifications on ratings of compliance with rules concerning safety, safeguarding property, interpersonal issues, and conventions. The study found that compliance increased with age, that parent-rated child temperament and harm justification predicated mothers' ratings of rules and child compliance, and that ratings of rules, compliance, and justifications demonstrated continuity over time. - ERIC Document No.: ED475379
Quality of Mothers' Engagement with Their Toddlers: The Roles of Childrearing History, Social Support, and Empathy
Author(s): Saba, Jennifer Fetner; Tamis-LeMonda, Catherine
Availability: full text available online through search at http://www.eric.ed.gov/
Publication Date: April 2003
Abstract: This study examined the relationship between a mother's child-rearing history, perceived social support, and maternal empathy and the quality of engagement with her child during play. - ERIC Journal No.: EJ606986
Mothers' and Teachers' Home and School Rules: Young Children's Conceptions of Authority in Context
Author(s): Tisak, Marie S.; Crane-Ross, Dushka; Tisak, John; Maynard, Amanda M.
Source: Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, v46 n1 p168-87 Jan 2000
Publication Date: 2000
Abstract: This study examined preschoolers', first-graders', and third-graders' responses to questions in which one authority (mother or teacher) permitted a moral or conventional act to occur across contexts and the other authority prohibited the act from occurring across contexts.
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