Live Interactive Chat
Answers to Questions (Transcript)
University of Illinois
See also: Biography, Related Resources and Related Resources 2
IELmoderator
Dear Chat guests, Let's begin our chat session. Welcome to tonight's
IEL Chat session. I'd like to introduce Dr. Lilian Katz of the University
of Illinois.
Dr. Katz
Greetings everyone! Welcome to this live interactive chat about
one of the biggest topics in the field of early childhood development,
care, and education. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
IELmoderator
Chat users can now send questions for Dr. Katz to respond to.
IELmoderator
Here is a question that we received in advance of the session. Dr.
Katz, What social skills should a child have by the age of 2?
Dr. Katz
By 2 years of age, most children show an interest in other children
and generally welcome opportunities to observe them and make contact
with them. Most children have some of the basic skills involved
in initiating interactions with peers and can respond fairly well
to the approaches of others. Nevertheless, most of them are still
shy or wary in new situations and with strangers. This wariness
is a good sign because it indicates that the child has close attachments
and recognizes the difference between familiar and unfamiliar others.
So, shyness, in and of itself, is not a cause for concern, especially
when the child responds well to the reassurance of adults or older
siblings she or he knows and trusts.
IELmoderator
Dr. Katz, this was really a three part question. Here's part two:
What social skills should a child have by the age of 3?
Dr. Katz
By 3 years of age, most children are generally confident in their
approaches to peers and are able to approach them positively. Their
increasing verbal skills play a large role in their ability to approach
and respond to others.
While they are likely to be shy among strangers at first, they usually overcome this shyness with some reassurance and with sufficient opportunity to become familiar with those new to them. They now have many conversational and social skills to enable them to maintain friendly interaction with one or more peers for short periods. They are also beginning to learn how to cope with frustration and disagreements, both of which are essential to learning the basics of turn-taking, which is a very important element in most interactions with others.
IELmoderatorDr. Katz, here's the third part of the question: What social skills should a child have by the age of 4?
Dr. Katz
By the age of 4, children not only have a range of skills required
for initiating and maintaining interactions with a variety of peers
and also have the beginnings of the complex skills required for
resolving the kinds of conflicts that are inevitable in the dynamics
of early social interactions. They also should be able to handle
rebuffs fairly well.
They also are building and strengthening their capacities to "read" other people's interests, wishes, preferences, and other essential elements of thinking about social events. With increasing experience, they become more accurate in predicting and imagining how others will respond to their approaches, what others would find interesting or uninteresting, and ways to engage them in continued cooperative action. Also by this age, most children can manage sustained relationships with one or two others close in age so that the intensity of commitment to these friends is just enough to provide satisfying experiences, but not so close as to be possessive and thereby to damage the friendship.
If you are interested in more information on this topic, you may want to look at the ERIC Digest Assessing Young Children's Social Competence at http://ecap.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/2001/mcclel01.htmEditor's note: This url has changed:l. http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/2001/mcclel01.html
jpm
Thank you for being here, Dr. Katz. I like your positive framing
of shyness. At what point might it become a concern?
Dr. Katz
If, by the age of 3, a child is so shy that it won't go to a birthday
party of friends or relatives, or won't go to a picnic with the
family plus some strangers, then it would be a good idea to try
helping the child to deal with the shyness.
sophie
Dr. Katz, I have a child in my classroom who is 4. He is Asian and
has been in the class for almost a year and continues to struggle
with English and relating to the other children. I know that his
parents do not speak English in the home. What are some suggestions
for helping him develop socially in our classroom?
Dr. Katz
Sophie, tell us what things you have tried so far? Can you also
tell us which language the child does speak at home?
sophie
We have tried modeling questions for him, providing a lot of structure
in the classroom so that he can get into the routine, and speaking
with the parents consistently to try and provide suggestions for
helping him interact with the other children. He speaks very softly
and does not have a lot of confidence. Recently, he has started
to speak louder and more clearly, however, he does try to get the
other children's attention by doing things that are not consistent
with the classroom rules. He speaks Chinese in the home. Thank you.
Dr. Katz
Sophie, these strategies sound fine to me. As to doing things contrary
to the routines, I am not sure how to interpret that. Have you found
any activities he shows special interest in? It might be a good
idea to emphasize those or provide more of them. Is it possible
to find a volunteer—perhaps another parent—who speaks
Chinese to help him learn some useful English phrases that he can
try?
sophie
Dr. Katz, a volunteer is a great idea, and I will offer that as
a suggestion to the head teacher. He is especially interested in
fine motor activities, and there are plenty of them in our classroom.
By acting contrary to the rules I mean physically interacting with
the other children in an inappropriate manner. Such as kicking,
wrestling, pushing, etc. Thanks for your suggestion.
Nancy A.L.
Should I push my shy child to be friendlier?
Dr. Katz
Nancy, how old is your shy child?
Nancy A.L.
She's 10 years old.
Dr. Katz
Nancy, if she has one or two friends, it is not necessary to worry
about her. If she has no friends at all, then some strategies should
be tried. But I don't think "pushing" would be appropriate.
Encourage her to try approaching others and perhaps include one
or two others in an outing.
trey
Dr. Katz, how can we encourage a child in our classroom to become
interested in her peers if the child is above average to the point
where she just wants to interact with adults, yet she is socially
behind with her peers? I have tried joining play with my students
and encouraged the child to join, but as soon as I leave, she follows
me.
Dr. Katz
Trey, this sounds like a gifted child. If so, they often do have
trouble learning how to make friends with the rest of us! But they
should be helped to be patient with others, and it is important
to let him or her know that you expect him or her to be helpful
and patient with others who might know less or do things more slowly.
Miss Ann :-)
What can be done to encourage a shy and withdrawn child to interact
with others?
Dr. Katz
Miss Ann, a lot depends on the age of the child. By about 3, it
is important not to push or pressure a child who is shy. One approach
is to reassure the child that you understand he or she is not "ready"
to enter a group or join with others, but then always add, "If
you want me to help you, I'll be right over there. Just let me know
when you are ready." That way, the child is not locked into
his role of the "shy one," and you are giving him a chance
to take the initiative in approaching others.
connie
The president is pushing for more preliteracy education in the early
childhood classroom. There is a tendency for many folks to see this
as a way of pushing down curriculum and taking away play/developmentally
appropriate activities. What impact do you see this making on our
children's social development when so much emphasis is placed on
cognitive skills?
Dr. Katz
Connie, many of us share your concerns. I think we have to get together
as a profession and find the best ways to respond to this pressure
and, at the same time, provide ample opportunities for children
to cooperate on activities and to play as well. Perhaps we have
to take some things out of the curriculum too.
Peggy
What is your opinion of the impact of the use of computers in early
childhood classrooms on the development of social skills in young
children?
Dr. Katz
Peggy, I am not aware of any research that indicates that we should
worry about it. I have a doctoral student studying the cooperation
that occurs when children work in pairs and trios at the computer
at the kindergarten level, and it is interesting to note how many
good social skills are at work as they make suggestions and give
information to each other.
Pam
I have a child similar to what Trey describes above, except that
we question whether she is really above average or simply used to
being doted on by parents at home. She invites me to play, but she
is not so interested in peers and actively works to exclude them
when I facilitate. She is 4.6 years old. Parents say she interacts
"fine" with older children at home but is "bored"
by children her own age.
Dr. Katz
Pam, what makes you think that she is "doted on by parents"?
This could help account for what you are describing. Are the parents
concerned about her lack of peer play in school? Do you think she
is way ahead of most of her peers in knowledge and skills, etc.?
Pam
The girl I describe is an only child, and her parents often spend
time playing with her at school and at home. They value knowledge
and uniqueness over her social skills and would like to see her
in kindergarten next year (November birthday). She is a creative
thinker but is not above and beyond her peers. I wish the parents
WERE more interested in her social skills and less interested in
pushing the academics.
IELmoderator
Those of you who missed the previous IEL chat session on immunizations,
please note that we will have a transcript of that session, in both
English and Spanish, uploaded to the Web site sometime later this
week. Visit the IEL Chat page at:
http://illinoisearlylearning.org/chat.htmEditor's note: This url has changed:http://illinoisearlylearning.org/askanexpert.htm#pastchat.
sonbeam
Is there any reason for children to be/become "shy" that
can be guarded against in an early care setting?
Dr. Katz
Sonbeam, keep in mind that shyness by itself is not a source of
concern. On the contrary, a very young child who would go to anyone,
who would show no wariness in a new situation with total strangers
would be someone to worry about! It would imply that the child has
not developed any strong attachments. If the child is very young—a
preschooler—and shy in the new situation, it requires patience,
understanding, and a lot of reassurance to let the child know that
you understand. Express your understanding that the situation might
be scary or strange, and indicate again that you are ready to help
him or her connect with the others whenever the child is ready.
IELmoderator
Please note that we have a collection of resources on children's
social development available on the IEL Web site:
This list of resources was prepared with this chat session in mind.
IELmoderator Dr. Katz, we received this additional question at the IEL Web site: As a teacher/parent/caregiver, how do I know if a child's behavior requires some additional professional intervention? Are there some "red flags" of behavior for children this age?
Dr. Katz
If, by the age of about 4, a child still constantly clings to adults
when around other children, refuses to participate in any kinds
of play with peers, or is too shy to join in playground or classroom
activities at any time, then it might be a good idea to observe
the child closely and ask for a specialist's evaluation.
A meeting with the parent or other person who is responsible for most of the child's care is another important step before calling in the specialists. Informal conversations with that person about the child's overall functioning helps to round out the picture of the child's development. Questions about his or her general demeanor, sleeping and eating patterns, typical mood, range of emotions, playfulness, curiosity, responses to adult authority, and expressions of affection help to put the problem behavior into perspective and to give a fuller understanding of how he or she is doing. If the parent or caregiver's descriptions of the usual behavior in these areas suggests that the child is not thriving, then calling upon a specialist to observe him or her more closely is very likely to be warranted.
If you would like more information about how to assess the development of your preschooler, you may want to look at Assessing the Development of Preschoolers, an ERIC/EECE Digest located at http://ecap.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/1994/lk-ass94.html. Editor's note: This url has changed:http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/1994/lk-ass94.html
Pam
In Dr. Katz's response to Connie re: literacy education, she writes,
"Perhaps we have to take some things out of the curriculum."
Can you say more about this?
(NOTE: See Dr. Katz's answer to Miss Ann's almost identical question
below).
Miss Ann :-)
Dr. Katz, what things do you think need to be taken out of the curriculum
to make more room for pre-literacy education, learning through play,
and developmentally appropriate activities? Thanks! :-)
Dr. Katz
Miss Ann, of course I don't know how much time is given to these
things in every program. But I see a lot of them that allocate too
much time to holidays and to the daily calendar ritual. So, perhaps
those things could be given a bit less attention. I think it is
OK to give about 15 minutes, three times a week to some formal literacy
type activities, BUT use the rest of the time well! This is a really
big topic that can't really be covered in detail tonight.
IELmoderator
Thanks to all chat participants for your excellent questions.
sonbeam
Dr. Katz, I have long wondered if there are studies about the effect
of staff-to-child ratios and nurturing (response to infant needs)
in infant care in terms of socio-emotional development of the individual
and his or her success in relational maturity later, through adolescence
and adulthood.
Dr. Katz
Sonbeam, I am not sure that we have such long-term studies that
would connect early infant care experiences and adolescent or adult
social competence. The studies of similar issues that do extend
over the long period of childhood and adolescence suggest that these
very early experiences do have long-term consequences because early
social behavior invites responses that tend to lead to more of the
same of it and tends to create a cycle that gets stronger over time.
If the child starts off in a negative cycle, it becomes increasingly
difficult to break as the child gets older. That's why getting into
the positive cycle early is so important.
IELmoderator
Chat participants, please note that the entire IEL Web site is available
in Spanish as well. The URL for the Spanish language site is http://illinoisearlylearning.org/index-sp.htm.
Susan
I have come to learn that there is some controversy about developing
systems to limit the number of children in particular learning centers.
Limiting the number of children in a center seems to be a good way
to prevent problems, but I understand that some early childhood
experts are opposed. What are your thoughts?
Dr. Katz
Susan, interesting question. I am not sure. It depends a bit on
the ages of the children. If they are at kindergarten age, I would
encourage the children to solve the problem themselves. If their
solutions don't work, then you could impose some rules. Another
thing to keep in mind in the disputes that arise over who can be
where and when is to indicate that not getting a turn at a particular
activity or center is not a tragedy! You could say, "Sure,
I know you are disappointed. But there's always tomorrow!"
That helps children to cope with setbacks and difficulties and not
view each one as a major event!
hopedeffer
Dr. Katz, how can we teach more life skills in the classroom to
counteract anger and stress? How can we as educators provide skills
or strategies without distracting from lesson plans? Any available
resources to help?
Dr. Katz
Hopedeffer, these are big questions! There is a growing literature
on the development of "self-regulation" and the important
developmental implications of learning to regulate one's emotional
responses. We will add more resources on this topic to this Web
site when we put up the transcript of this chat session in about
two weeks.
NOTE: See additional information on helping children regulate their emotions.
hopedeffer
Thank you—it is a growing problem in the school system, especially
in the higher grades. We need to develop plans and educate our educators
as well. I will look forward to the transcripts.
sonbeam
Concerning children who have had little or no interaction with others
their age, they are around older siblings or adults. What is the
underlying challenge that we are facing as caregivers? Is it a trust
factor or a lack of skill and understanding to interact in an appropriate
fashion or....?
Dr. Katz
Sonbeam, it may simply be a lack of experience from which to have
learned how to talk to age mates, how to "read" the thoughts,
motives, and interests of the same-age peers. A child whose social
experience is mainly with older siblings will not have had enough
experience of anticipating the responses of children of his or her
own age. A child whose experience is mainly with younger siblings
will similarly not be familiar with the typical responses of peers.
So—it is really a matter of experience!
sonbeam
Glad to hear about the extra info on "self regulation,"
i.e., self control.
IELmoderator
We're finishing up our "queue" of questions. If you have
any additional questions, feel free to post them.
IELmoderator
Dr. Katz, here is another question from the Web site: I have a 4-year-old
girl in my preschool class who never speaks at school, even though
she has been in our class for seven months. Her mother assures me
that she is a natural talker at home with siblings and neighborhood
friends. What strategies can I try?
Dr. Katz
Very often, children who refuse to speak away from home are put
under great pressure to do so. In many cases, this causes the child
to sort of "dig in her heels" and stay mum. I observed
such a case several years ago in which the preschool teacher tried
to coax the 4-year-old girl—a quite natural talker at home
and in the neighborhood—into speaking in the preschool by saying
"If you want your snack, you will have to say so." She
seemed to have no trouble giving up the snack. Her refusal to talk
also seemed to cause the other children not to speak to her because
we tend to learn very early to speak to those who speak to us!
The strategy we tried was to say, calmly and matter-of-factly but in a friendly way, something like "I know you don't feel like talking to me now. That's OK. But when you're ready, I'll be over there!" We also talked to her more often in a natural and relaxed way as though we expected her to respond, but with no pressure to do so. Within a week, she was talking with the other children and the teachers in a natural way, probably because we had clearly taken the pressure off and she was encouraged to take the initiative—to make her own decision about when to talk.
Young children have control over very few of their experiences; one of the few they can control is their own talking. This little girl struck me as having the potential to be persistent and stubborn, and with the right kinds of experiences, she'll be able to use these traits to accomplish a lot in the future!
Ruth
How appropriate in a preschool classroom is it for a child to sit
on a teacher's lap? This would be mostly at "book time."
We love to offer cuddles but have received mixed messages on this
topic. Can this hinder a child's independence or progress in any
way?
Dr. Katz
Ruth, it depends on whether this child asks for the lap constantly.
Once in a while would seem quite appropriate. What could be more
pleasant than sitting in a comfortable lap and listening to a story?
But if it is persistent, frequent, and intense or demanding in tone,
then it might be a good idea to look more closely at this child's
development and develop some strategies to increase his or her autonomy.
IELmoderator
Please join us for our next IEL Chat session. This session will
be held on May 22, 2002, from 7-8 PM CT. The topic of the session
is "Using Work Sampling in Pre-K Settings," and the guest
speaker is Sallee Beneke from Illinois Valley Community College.
ellen
Thanks. It was a pleasure "talking" to you.
IELmoderator
Dr. Katz, here's another question. What are some things a teacher,
caregiver, or parent can do to promote healthy social development?
Dr. Katz
A first step is to provide opportunities for the children to be
with others at and near their own ages, in a safe and sufficiently
rich and well-supervised environment and where an adult is available
to support interaction among them.
As difficulties arise, the adult can let the children know that
he or she is nearby to offer assistance as needed, but not so intrusively
as to prevent the children from attempting to solve the inevitable
problems that arise in the course of the dynamic interactions of
young children at play.
Sometimes, children benefit when an adult gives them suggestions of strategies to try out or phrases to use. For example, it is known that a young child who approaches others at play and who wants to be accepted into an ongoing group is more likely to be accepted if she or he approaches the group with comments about them and their activity rather than with comments about herself or himself. So, for example, the adult might say to a child not yet skillful in this area something like "Why don't you go over there where the others are (e.g. building with blocks) and say (modeling a calm and friendly tone) 'What are you making?' or 'Can I help on this side?'" The adult adds, "And if that doesn't help, come back, and we can discuss other things to try." In this way, the adult indicates that in social situations it is useful to "try" things, to experiment till you find out what works.
Furthermore, the adult here is teaching the child how to approach others by referring not to himself or herself, but to the other children whose activity he or she wants to join. Children who approach others by saying something like "I can make a bigger one than that" are referring to themselves rather than to the others. Making this distinction between approaches that are other-referenced rather than self-referenced is a basic element of social competence.
sonbeam
What are some strategies when a child "shuts down" after
a conflict with another child and they won't respond to your questions
about the event?
Dr. Katz
Dear Sonbeam, why not just let it go at that? You could say something
to the child like "I see you don't really want to talk about
it this now. Maybe later on we can talk about it some more. Let
me know when you're ready." If he or she doesn't indicate a
readiness to talk about the incident, you could raise the issue
again a bit later. But be sure that talking it over is really necessary!
Conflicts among young children are inevitable and form the basis
of learning about real life. Talking a lot about them might not
be very helpful. It depends a bit on the particular incident and
on the particular participants. On the whole, it would seem best
to let it go in this case and maybe pick it up when everyone has
calmed down.
Good Luck!
IELmoderator
Chat guests, we've come to the end of our Chat session. We'd like
to thank you all for your participation and for your excellent questions.
trey
thank you
Ruth
Thank you!
jpm
Thank you!
Nancy A.L.
Thank you, Dr. Katz.
IELmoderator
And please join us for our next chat on May 22.
IELmoderator
Dr. Katz, thank you for joining us in this IEL Chat session.
Dr. Katz
Thanks for joining us this evening, and carry on the good work!
Lilian Katz
Karen T
Thanks, Dr. Katz, it was nice to "hear" from you again.
(Karen Til....)
IELmoderator
Thanks, all. Have a good evening!
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